Today is June 8, 2016. On this day 6 years ago I was working hard to bring Max into this world. Little did I know I was going to live and experience a whole new world through my baby. The first few years were so beautiful and frustrating at the same time. You always wonder “if my baby will” “when my baby will” and then it soon turns to “when my toddler will” and “if my toddler will” to “one day my child will” or “will my child ever do that?”. I know I’m not the only one who wants to crawl inside my child’s head and walk around to see if I can get any type of thought process from him but then I start to wonder “what if someone looked inside my head and saw all of my crazy emotions?!?” all the emotions, the highs and lows, the milestones, the tiredness, the fear, the anxiety, oh how the list could go on and on. If someone saw all that went on in my head they would think I was crazy! Thank goodness that my family who lives almost 400 miles away is such a huge support to us! With their love and good wishes, we make it through each day.
When Max was born I was fortunate to be able to depend on my friend to watch him while I worked. I was lucky to be able to leave my home each day knowing that my child was being taken care of and also getting love. As much as I wanted to be with my child every day I had to walk out the door and work being I was/am the sole provider for my three children. When Max turned 5 it was time to start kindergarten, this also meant that I was going to lose my caregiver for Max because of the less hours she would get. My job was also unable to work with my schedule. After 8 years I had to resign from a job I loved. I had not a clue what I was going to do, when I would be getting a paycheck, or what type of job I was looking for. I just knew I had to do what was best for my family and so I took a huge leap of faith. While I waited for faith to start working, I would join Max for lunch every day at his school to feed him. I looked forward to it every day, in between sending out resumes and job applications, it was always my time to look at my son and chat with him. It was also my time at home. I learned to enjoy it. It was the first time in 5 years I was alone! No kids around. No music playing. No voices chatting. Just silence. I was starting to love it. But wouldn’t you know, faith decided to work a couple weeks later. A job opened up at Max’s school for a Para position. I was encouraged by the staff to apply. I did. I got hired. I also got assigned to Max’s class with another student.
I absolutely love it! I love my job. Every day I get to watch my son be social, yes he may be non-verbal, but he made friends. I watch my son get stronger mentally and physically. I watch him reach his IEP goals and then some. I have watched him start at walking up to 50 feet and then 200 feet and more! I am able to witness the smiles on teachers, students, and staff members faces when Max acknowledges them or gives them a high five. I am able to hear stories about my son through my co-workers. Tonight I was able to watch my son at his kindergarten concert and sing along with him because I was able to be there while they practiced so hard for this night. After the concert the crowd formed a tunnel for all the kindergartners to go through as they make their way to 1st grade. I was able to push my son’s wheelchair through and hear the cheers and the words of encouragement that were being said to my Max.
Like I said six years ago, I never would have imagined a world like the one my family lives today. I just know I am going to work alongside my son as long as I can. This was only kindergarten; I can’t wait to see what 1st grade will be like!!